January 19, 2020

Now, I begin.

Atha yoga anushasanam

“Now, the exposition of yoga begins”

Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra’s 1.1

Now, I begin.

Back in high school and college, when I found myself having to write papers, I always struggled with writing the beginning. I would write the entire paper, sum it up in an eloquent and impactful summary and conclusion, but the beginning felt daunting, too much pressure to suck in the reader with just a few sentences. Also, how do you begin something when you do not know the outcome? It’s as if I had to write the ending, to know the beginning, and the longer I thought about the beginning, the harder it became to create.

Looking back, this struggle appears to be a great analogy for my life as a whole. Except in life we are unable to determine the outcome. Which makes the beginning markedly harder, and even more so the more I think about it. The longer I give myself time to ponder something, the more room I make for self-doubt, the inner critic, and overall negativity that eats away at my desire for something new. Idle time is my inner critic’s playground. I suppose this is why most of the “big” decisions in my life have been made rather quickly.

I visited Denver one weekend and made the decision to move across the country to live there the next month (although it took a bit to physically get there.)

After only seven months of dating, I got engaged to my now husband (By far one of my best decisions to date) and married the next year.

I signed up for Yoga Teacher training the same day I found out about it, which was also the first night of training.

Looking back, almost all of my ‘spur(ish) of the moment(s)’ decisions to start something new have played out to be some of the best ones I have ever made. (Disclaimer: there have been a handful of not-so-good spur of the moment decisions as well, but I’ll spare you the deets, but let’s just say there have been more that have worked out than haven’t – or at least ones that matter)

However, it took me a good while to muster up the gumption to start this webpage and begin sharing my thoughts, knowledge, this practice, and overall ramblings with you. The beginning was hard, just like writing a term paper. I bought this domain name three years ago and have sat staring at a blank page for longer than I’d like to admit. I had no idea how to build a website, I had no equipment to film videos, I do not have all the answers, I did not have a super clear vision on what exactly it was that I was going to share, not to mention I was full of crippling self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and comparing myself to the ~~hundreds~~ thousands of people before me doing the same thing.

BUT, I will tell you what I do have (besides the balls to start that sentence with a conjunction). I have the strong desire and urge to help others. Actually, the longer I have been teaching yoga and connecting with people, I believe I have surpassed urge and have moved into a space of need. I need to connect with others, I need to feel as though I am making a difference, I need to share what has helped me along the way in hopes that it may help someone else.

Finally, I realized….(ok, along with a lot of outside validation)….that this is enough. The need to show up for others, to support you on your journey, with 100% authenticity and meaningful, good intentions, is enough. I am enough, you are enough, and that is all that we have to be….and here we are. Welcome to TEMPER Yoga, a space for us to connect, to grow together, to get a little messy (and a little sweaty), and to begin.

I still don’t have to have all of the answers, but I know that as quickly as I do find them, everything shifts, and I begin…again.